I believe every married woman wants to be the best wife she can be, but it’s hard to have a clear picture of what that really means or looks like.

The media seems to bombard women with conflicting messages about what the “ideal woman” is all about. One moment you’re being told to starve yourself and spend all your time in the gym and salon so you can always look like an airbrushed model on the cover of a magazine. The next moment your role model is a CEO mom who is making millions and still “having it all” by being a wife and mommy too. You flip the channel again and you’re told that an ideal wife makes her own clothes and home schools her 20 kids.

So which one is the “right” picture of womanhood? Here’s what I believe (and as a disclaimer, I’m a GUY writing this, but I’m doing my best to base it on some timeless truths. I’ll write one of these for husbands next), I believe that God made every woman masterfully and beautifully unique, so you never need to get caught up in the comparison trap by thinking your life needs to be measured against anyone else’s. I hope that helps you breathe a sigh of relief!

As you live out your beautiful uniqueness in your marriage, here are a few truths that can equip you to take your marriage and family to a new level of health and happiness. While every wife is unique, I believe these truths below apply to everyone, and if you’ll apply these principles within the context of your own personality, I believe you’ll become an even greater wife

1. Give respect to your husband.

We husbands don’t like to admit it, but we are absolutely desperate for your respect! When we believe that you believe in us, we feel like we can conquer the world, but when we believe you don’t believe in us, we can barely get through the day. Even in those moments when your husband doesn’t “deserve” your respect, give it anyways, and your actions will actually help shape him into the courageous man of character God intended for him to be.

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

2. Create a positive tone in the home.

More than any other person in the house, the wife has the power to set the tone in the home, so set a good one! Foster an atmosphere where encouragement, laughter, discipline, hard work, fun, love and grace all flow together in harmony.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.” Proverbs 31:25-27

3. Fall in love…with God!

The more you love God, the more capacity you will have to love your husband, your kids and yourself. Make your relationship with Him the foundation of your life and everything else will fall into place.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.” Proverbs 31:30-31.

The word "submission" is translated from the Greek word "hupotasso." (5293 in the Strong's Concordance) It means to place or rank under, to subject or to obey.

The word is also fairly often translated "subject." When we look at the life of Christ, our example, we find that it is full of examples of His willingness to submit or subject himself to various authorities.

• Jesus submitted to his parents when he was a child. Luke 2:51-52.

• Jesus was subject to the governing authorities of His time. Mark 12:17.

• Jesus submitted to the direction and leading of God, the Father. John 5:19

• Jesus submitted to the will of the Father, even unto death. Matthew 26:39

Submission in Marriage Roles:

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior ... [adorn yourselves] with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hope in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. 1Pet. 3:1-5

... be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored. Titus 2:5

In looking at submission and marriage, it seems clear to me that scripturally women are called to submit to the leadership and direction of their husbands. Given the number of scriptures that spell this out so simply in black and white, I find it difficult to see that the scriptures could mean anything other than what they actually say.

Although this area of submission can affect more personal issues (and, yes, be a bit scary), I see submitting to a husband as similar to submitting to any other authority. Trusting that a husband is called and anointed to direct the home is no different than trusting that a pastor or elder is called and anointed to direct a church (or a soldier to direct a troop, or a teacher to direct the Bible study etc.). None will be perfect, but each person is called to do a particular job and will be enabled by God to do so.

Here are some realistic expectations for marriage:

• Expect differences - You are two different people. You have different likes and dislikes. You will see the world in different ways. You will problem solve differently.  This is reality. Differences will exist, and sometimes they will cause conflict.

• Expect conflict - Conflict is normal. It does happen. It’s a natural part of blending two lives. The important thing to do is learn to handle conflict well. When  you handle it well, it can actually deepen your intimacy.

• Expect your spouse to fail at times - He/she is human. Humans make mistakes. They aren’t perfect. When you expect your spouse to fail and make mistakes, you are better prepared to respond to their failures with grace and forgiveness.

• Expect an ebb and flow of feelings in your marriage - No couple feels “in love” all the time. Feelings breathe, they are fluid, and they don’t always tell us the truth. If you feel that you don’t love your spouse anymore, recognize that true love is a choice, not a feeling. Increase your loving actions, and your feelings will reignite in time.

• Expect to ask for help when your relationship is headed in the wrong direction - When our bodies are sick, we go to a doctor. When our marriages are sick, a Christian counselor can be a huge help in communication and digging down to issues at the core of our challenges. If you don’t know where to start, ask for recommendations from your pastor or friends who have found relationship counseling helpful. Don’t hesitate to change counselors if you feel that one or both of you are not connecting with the counselor you’re seeing.

• Expect to share your expectations - Your spouse is not a mind reader. He/she doesn’t feel the same way you do. He/she doesn’t think the same way you do. He/she doesn’t make decisions or process hardship the same way you do. If you desire something from him or her, ask. With words. That conversation will either help you get your needs met or help you see that your expectations are out of line.

Unrealistic expectations are preconceived resentments. They begin a downward spiral that is unhealthy for relationships. Unmet expectations turn into resentments, which turn into bitterness that turns into anger, and ultimately becomes conflict that could have actually been avoided if you had internally moved from unrealistic expectations to realistic ones.

• In the face of the many disappointments your husband may bring your way each week, always choose to think the best.

Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

• Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.

Ephesians 5:33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

• Wives, if you’re ever hurt by your husband, remember, your forgiveness and love will set him free!

1 Corinthians 13:5,6 Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

• When your children ask you why they were born—make sure you know the answer!

Jeremiah 1:5 I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.

• Make a solemn promise with your husband, that before bed every night, you will hug, look each other in the eye, say. “I love you!”, and kiss. This may mean you each say, “sorry” for something first!

Ephesians 4:26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.

• When you are laying in bed before sleep, take your spouse’s hand and pray out loud together.

James 5:13a,b Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises.

• Touch

Women are very tactile beings. They love to be touched and caressed. Hold her, massage her, tease and tantalize her playfully with your fingers. Don't go straight to the genitals; pay attention to her whole body.

• Kisses

Deep passionate kisses are one of the biggest turn ons for a woman. Looking into her eyes or touching her face while kissing her can increase the arousal of the kiss. Kissing other parts of the body such as the neck, belly, inner thighs, buttocks, pelvis area surrounding the vagina, fingers and maybe even the feet for some can heighten her pleasure.

• Emotional Connection

For women, sex is usually an emotional act as well as a physical act. The deeper the emotional connection, the better the sex will be for her and the deeper her desire for her lover will become. Share your feelings with your woman and express how you feel about her freely. For her, what goes on outside the bedroom is an important factor of what will occur in the bedroom.

• Foreplay & Aferplay

There is nothing that is a bigger turn off for a woman than a lover who immediately begins penetration without tending to her body and mind. Just as important as foreplay is the period of time immediately following the sex, afterplay. Afterplay reinforces how a woman feels about the sexual experience and will have a great impact on how she responds to her lover in the future.

• Make Her Feel Important

Women also need to feel important to their lover. Take an active interest in who she is as a person and what goes on in her life. Ignite your woman's passion by making her feel special, cherished and adored.

• Value and Respect

For sex to be at its best, most women need to feel valued and respected by their lover. Her desire and level of satisfaction will grow deeper. She will want her lover more frequently and be more motivated to meet his sexual needs as well.

• Listen

Women are more attracted to a man who listens to her and actually hears her. Being heard makes her feel important and valued, thereby increasing her feelings of intimacy with her lover and encouraging her to be free and uninhibited in her lovemaking. Her level of satisfaction is enhanced and her desire for her lover increased.

• Show Her Your Passion & Desire

A woman wants to be wanted passionately. She wants to see your deep desire for her and feel how much you want her. Pursue her passionately and she will be a wild cat full of desire.

• Take Your Time

The path to orgasm is just as fulfilling as the orgasm itself and the path is also important for enhancing her orgasmic experience. Take the long meandering road, savoring, pampering and adoring every part of her body along the way.