Day Sixteen: Your Life Companion

 

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” —Genesis 2:18        

 

God says that it is not good for man to be alone. But the way some women criticize their mates, the husbands may long for solitude! Companionship and togetherness are foundational pieces to a healthy relationship.

 

God has made you a companion and helper for your husband, and part of being “one flesh” with him is the privilege of sharing and discussing personal needs and concerns. Thank God for that wonderful gift. Thank your husband for communicating with you and being your companion in this life.

 

If your spouse does not value you as his life companion as you wish he would, look for ways that he tries—smiling at you, asking questions, nodding his head when you speak, and so on——and then thank him for it.  Perhaps he needs to be lovingly taught how to communicate. Women are often more naturally relational than men, so this may come easy for you. Be patient with him . . . and continue to pursue him as your life companion.

 

Action Step: Be his life companion.

 

Seek your husband as your life companion. Share the little things and the big news with him first. Make a point to plan time together, whether that’s an outing or time alone together at home. Affirm the ways that he is your best friend and how you are happy God has given him as your life companion.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, although my relational needs can only be met fully in You, I want my marriage to be all that it should be in this area. Would You grow us in companionship? Teach me how to value my husband as my closest friend and confidante. Thank You for my husband and the ways he does reach out to me.

 

Day Seventeen: The Home that Wisdom Builds

 

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. —Proverbs 9:10

 

Are you a wise woman? Do you open your mouth with wisdom, as Proverbs 31:26 suggests? As you continue in your 30-day challenge, remember that a wise woman encourages her husband.

 

Is your husband a wise man? Does he have a godly perspective that comes from knowing God and walking with Him in obedience? Does he have a sense of purpose for his life and vision for your home? Tell him how much this means to you. If your husband is not walking with God—or perhaps, does not know the Lord—you have the opportunity and responsibility to practice your faith and create a thirst for God. Thank God for giving your husband a place in his heart that only He can fill, and keep praying that he will turn to the Lord to fill that vacuum.

 

Action Step: Catch (or inspire!) the vision.

 

If you are not sure about your husband’s vision for your home, ask him, “Honey, what do you want to accomplish with our marriage and home in the years to come?” and “How can I help you accomplish that?” If he does not have a vision, your questions may inspire him to develop one!

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, I long for our home to be built by Your ways and Your wisdom. Please pour out Your heart upon our marriage, that we might be a force for Your Kingdom work in our family, neighborhood, and community. Make our home a place of refuge and life, a place that honors You in all Your ways.

 

Day Eighteen: Show Your Playful Side

 

A joyful heart is good medicine. —Proverbs 17:22

 

Let me ask you a question: Do you have fun with your husband? Life is full of serious things—decisions to make, tasks to complete, work to do . . . and it can take all the joy out of our relationships. Are most conversations with your husband serious and task-centered? That’s a sure recipe for concocting a negative and critical spirit toward him. Instead of speaking negatively to your husband today, enjoy him! Encourage him! As you experience fullness of joy with God, share some of that joy with your husband.

 

Does your husband have a playful side? A great sense of humor? Is there a “little boy” that wants to escape from time to time, reflecting the joy in his heart? This is a wonderful part of who he is and a great strength. Let him know that you appreciate his joyfulness and his playful spirit. Find opportunities to join him in positive play times.

 

If your husband can sometimes be overly serious, coax him out occasionally for some play times. It will help him relieve stress and relax. No matter which one of you leans toward the serious side, fun is needed to infuse joy into your relationship.

 

Action Step: Do something fun.

 

Think of something lighthearted for you and your husband to do. Fly kite, go for a bike ride, do an art project, play charades, make silly faces—whatever you can think of to show your playful side!

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Lord Jesus, so many times the pressure of life gets the better of me and I take everything so seriously. Help me to take joy in life, to be quick to laugh and find humor. Infuse Your eternal joy in our hearts and make our marriage a place where we have fun and laugh together.

 

Day Nineteen: Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

 

Read a wife’s description of her beloved in Song of Songs 5:10–16.

 

When you look at your husband, what do you see? Strong arms? Hairy chest? Firm hands? Big feet? Rugged chin? Wide shoulders? Compassionate eyes? Broad smile? Whatever his physical size, shape, or characteristics may be, the way you see him has a profound affect. Almost nothing is as devastating to a man as the belief that his wife finds him repulsive. Sadly, many women unwisely criticize their husbands’ bodies.

Have you ever considered how wonderfully God designed men and women? No matter how a man looks—by the standards of the world—a loving God designed them all, and they are all beautiful in His sight. Encourage your husband today by praising his uniqueness.

 

Criticism leaves scars, but encouragement can bring healing. Remember that today as you focus on your 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge.

 

Action Step:

 

As you look over your husband’s body, from the tip of his toes to his bald or bushy head, thank God that your husband is “wonderfully made,” then admire your husband verbally.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, today I praise You for the way You knit my husband together. You do all things well, so show me the beauty of my husband’s physical form and teach me to be tender with the body You’ve housed him in. Forgive me for criticizing Your work and for aligning my expectations with our current cultural standard. Put in me a spirit of acceptance and love for the uniqueness of my husband.

 

Day Twenty: Time to Dig out Those Bitter Roots

 

Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. —Ephesians 4:32

 

It’s time for some heart examination. At this point in the 30-day challenge, it’s possible you’ve found some roots of bitterness that are contaminating your relationship with your husband.

 

Do you understand that as long as you are unwilling to forgive your husband—by God’s grace and in His power—you will not be able to encourage him? Your own resentment will keep getting in the way. Now is the time to deal with any unforgiving attitudes you’ve stored up against him. Forgive him, even as God has forgiven you.

 

Is your husband a forgiving man? Does he keep short accounts of your problems? Express your thankfulness for such a man. Does your husband seem to harbor grudges against you? If so, could there be things you need to change? Do you possibly need to ask forgiveness for an offense?

 

No matter how your husband handles his heart, you are called to freedom from bitter roots. Take time today to dig them out and remove what’s contaminating your relationship with your husband and with the Lord.

 

Action Step: Start digging.

 

Spend time in prayer, asking the Lord to show you the roots of bitterness in your heart. Make a list of them, asking God to forgive you for your resentment. Then choose to forgive your husband and recommit to encouraging him for the remainder of the challenge with a clean heart.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, I have sinned against You in my judgment and resentment against my husband. Forgive me for taking Your place and refusing to love. Fill me with love and compassion for my husband. I choose to walk by Your Spirit for the remainder of this challenge—please help me to be the wife You long for me to be.

 

Day Twenty-one: Living for the Kingdom

 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. —Matthew 6:33

 

If we are living in light of eternity, everything we think, do, or say is seen from an eternal perspective. Only two things will go into eternity—the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right things.

 

Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism and temporal values? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him for putting eternal things before riches and other things of this world.

 

If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful, encouraging your husband to live for God’s Kingdom.

 

Action Step: Put your treasure in heaven.

 

Assess any habits or patterns in your life that are not placing a priority on God’s Word and people. Make adjustments so that God is honored and your home is more focused on the Kingdom.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Lord Jesus, I want to be a wise steward, investing in eternal things. Help me to adjust my thinking and priorities so that our home is a centered on Your Kingdom values. I want to live in such a way that my husband is encouraged to seek You and Your Kingdom even more.

 

Day Twenty-two: Season Your Speech with Grace

 

Let your speech always be gracious. —Colossians 4:6

 

Do you talk positively about your husband to others . . . or do you complain and criticize? Here’s a way to find out—ask yourself: If all my family and friends knew about my husband came from a filter of what I’ve said about him, what would they think of him?

 

Your speech should reflect 1 Corinthians 13 love. Your words should be kind and should never “rejoice at wrongdoing” (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband’s faults to others. Satan likes to trick us in this area. Be wary of sharing barbed “prayer requests.” Some of what you say may come back to him—and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never tearing him down. Don’t forget, you are always criticizing—or encouraging—before an audience. God hears your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your speech be always seasoned with grace. Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your community.

 

Action Step: Give a good word about him to others.

 

Remember, “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8 ). Present your husband before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a good word for your spouse. Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Lord Jesus, forgive me for being quick to slip in a jab about my husband to others. This reveals sin in my heart even as I try to reveal his. Teach me how to praise his strengths; help to cover over his sin by refusing to betray his weaknesses to others, even as I trust You to deal with him in those areas.

 

Day Twenty-three: Appreciating His Strengths

 

Showing yourself in all respects to be a model of good works. —Titus 2:7

 

God has wired us with different personalities. And often He will draw together two people with opposite strengths and weaknesses, on purpose, in order to refine us and help us. Sometimes the very strengths we love at first become points of contention later.

 

Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise—even when his bent for order and discipline comes against your bent for whimsy. Affirm him for these traits and how this helps your marriage function. 

 

Some men are naturally more spontaneous. They may be fun loving or people-focused. These are all related to a creative spirit that is also worthy of your praise—even when his bent for spontaneity comes against your bent for planning.

 

Action Step: Serve your husband with your strengths.

 

If you are more naturally spontaneous and fun loving, perhaps God called you together to help him loosen up. Serve your husband with your ability to enjoy the twists and turns of life. If you are more naturally disciplined, perhaps God has called you together to help him stay focused—but this does not include nagging. Serve your husband with your multitasking and organizational skills.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, when I see the differences between my husband and me, sometimes I am grateful . . . but sometimes it is so difficult. Let me serve my husband, in love, with the gifts You’ve given me. Help me learn from my husband and lean on his strengths. Fill me today with an appreciation for how You’ve wired him and let me be quick to praise him for being the balance I need in life.

 

Day Twenty-four: A Father at Heart

 

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. —Ephesians 6:4

 

Here’s a newsflash: Men and women parent differently. That means how you approach parenting will be different from how your husband approaches parenting. And that is a good thing. A wise wife will support her husband’s parenting style and leadership in the home as much as possible and will praise him for his fathering skills. A foolish wife will criticize. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure and may make him to want to give up.

 

If you have children, does your husband discipline them wisely? Does he show them love and encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for these important life skills.

 

If you don’t have children, is your husband positive and encouraging around other people’s children? Let him know that you have noticed and believe he has what it takes to be a great dad.

 

If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children (either your own or those you know), try to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents and needs to find healing and growth. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him how to parent or be a nurturing adult to a child.

 

Action Step: Encourage his fathering skills.

 

Watch for positive deposits your husband makes in children, and praise him for doing it well. Ask him to share his fears about being a dad and encourage his parenting style even if it is different from yours.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, although You alone are the perfect Father, too often I expect my husband to measure up to Your perfection. Forgive my critical spirit and help me to see the good things he does as a father (or father figure). Please show him where his own wounds are preventing him from being the man and father figure You want him to be. Let me love him and encourage him in his own journey even as he walks out this fathering role along the way.

 

Day Twenty-five: Making Peace a Priority

 

Seek peace and pursue it. —Psalm 34:14

 

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. —Isaiah 26:3

 

Does your home flourish under an atmosphere of peace? According to God’s Word, peace is something that must be sought, pursued, and focused upon. The way you live your life and relate to your husband and family will set the tone for your home.

 

Likewise, you can encourage your husband to pursue peace. Praise him for his gentle spirit or his ability to diffuse conflict. Lovingly remind him of the power of his words and how much good can come from a wise comment. Thank him for being mindful to protect your family from negative entertainment options.

 

Action Step: Pursue peace.

 

Consider these check-up questions to see how well you are pursuing peace:

• Is your mind set to maintain peace through the words you speak or the attitudes you bear?

• Are you quick to criticize or be impatient or arrogant?

• Do you allow regular entertainment (books, shows, music, etc.) that is negative?

• Is the pace of your life too fast?

Take time before the Lord to confess any sinful habits these questions exposed. And make the pursuit of peace a priority in your marriage and home to be an encouragement to your husband.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Lord Jesus, You are the Prince of Peace and I invite You to reign and rule in my heart, in my marriage, and in my home. Guard my tongue and my mind from sinful habits. Help me to make peace a priority so that You a magnified.

 

Day Twenty-six: Strike a Balance

 

And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. —Luke 2:52

 

If you have faithfully encouraged your husband, you will no doubt have seen some changes in his life . . . and your own life, as well. Encouragement is a wonderful habit that we hope you will continue for the rest of your life.

 

The important thing is to keep growing in Christ and obeying the Word of God as you respond to your husband. As you consider today how to bless your husband and not tear him down, think of ways that you can encourage balance in your home.

 

Jesus led a balanced life. He grew mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. As you see your husband branching out in these areas, is there a pattern of growth? Is your husband striving for balance in his life? If so, let him know you have noticed, and ask how you can further encourage him.

 

If your husband is out of balance—focusing on one area to the exclusion of the others—consider whether there are things you can do to help restore or create balance in his life. Can you encourage times for sports or exercise? Keep the children quiet for a study time? Invite friends over for dinner? Stimulate his mind?

Be sure you are working toward balance in your own life, as well. Be an example!

 

Action Step: Be a stabilizing force.

 

Take time to consider how you can be a stabilizing force in your husband’s life. If he’s fairly steady, verbalize to him what a great job he does in this area. If he’s out of balance, ask him if there is any way you can serve him to bring stability. Be ready to make changes and adjustments to bring balance.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Lord Jesus, would you help us find the right balance in life? There are so many good things to do—but You have called us to seek first Your Kingdom and Your righteousness. Teach us to balance our lives according to Your will. Help me to be willing to change for the good of my marriage and home and for Your Kingdom.

 

Day Twenty-seven: Acknowledge His Courage

 

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord! —Psalm 31:24

 

You have almost completed the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. Perhaps it has taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of encouragement consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words have been shared.

 

There are lots of “tough guys” in the world, but true courage comes from the Lord. Does your husband exhibit the courage to take an unpopular stand, perhaps even to stand alone against evil? Is he courageous in his faith? Does he work hard to change injustice? Is he a stickler for the truth? Does he protect you or your family from the attacks of the enemy?

 

Psalm 27:14 says this kind of courage comes from “waiting” on the Lord for His strength. Such spiritual courage is a gift and blessing to you—thank the Lord of it and praise your husband for the covering he supplies.

 

Action Step: Give him a Courage Award.

 

As your budget allows, award your husband with a medal, trophy, framed picture of a brave knight, or some other token that represents his courage as a man of God. Openly praise evidences of your husband’s courage in protecting you, your marriage, your family, or your home.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the way my husband shows care and covering. Help me to rest under his care, to not fight against it. Show me how to encourage him in faith and to continue to fight the battle on our behalf.

 

Day Twenty-eight: The Beauty of Humility

 

The fear of the Lord is the instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor. —Proverbs 15:33

 

As part of your Encouragement Challenge today, pray that you will respond to the Lord in faith and humility before you react to your husband. Sometimes when we just know we are right and our husbands are wrong, it takes great humility to honor them. It is difficult to speak well of our husbands when our own hearts are puffed up with pride. Speak wisely and well, and leave the results to God.

 

The humility that comes from a right relationship with God—the humility that comes when a man is willing to listen to God and be taught from His Word—is indeed a beautiful quality. Jesus was an example of this kind of humility when He was willing to submit to His Father’s will (John 6:38 ; Matt. 26:39 ).

 

Does your husband have that kind of humility? Is he willing to learn from and submit to direction from the Lord? Let your husband know how precious this is to your marriage relationship.

 

Action Step: Ask for a humble heart.

 

The humble heart is convicted of its need for grace and mercy. Ask God to grant you humility to see how you have acted in pride toward your husband. Seek his forgiveness and practice humility in the days to come.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, search my heart and show me areas of pride hidden in my heart. I confess them to You and ask You to give me courage to confess to my husband in order to make amends. Lord Jesus, grant us Your mind and heart to walk in humility with one another.

 

Day Twenty-nine: Standing for Righteousness

 

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. —Proverbs 27:12

 

As you near the end of your Encouragement Challenge, take time to think about your husband’s responses to the wickedness of the culture, the media, and the world. Does your husband recognize and avoid evil? Does he regularly turn his back on pornography, sexual temptations, and the urge to lie and cheat?

 

This is a valuable character trait. Like Joseph in the Old Testament, who fled from the wicked advances of Potiphar’s wife, this takes an understanding that these kinds of sins are first and foremost sins against God (Gen. 39:9 ).

 

Action Step: Praise him for righteous choices.

 

Praise your husband when he recognizes and turns his back on wickedness. If you can think of a circumstance where your husband stood for righteousness, remind him of that today—and express your gratitude.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, would You strengthen my husband’s resolve to stand strong against the world, the flesh, and the devil? Protect him from evil and remind him of his need for Your help. Keep him hungry for You so that nothing else satisfies. Help me to praise his choices that honor You and promote the Kingdom.

 

Day Thirty: Love in Word and Deed

This is my beloved and this is my friend. —Song of Songs 5:16

 

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don’t step on each other’s hearts. Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love.

 

How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so used to him that you don’t appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today, to make sure your husband knows he is your sweetheart and best friend. Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he just knows?

 

Don't assume. Everyone loves to hear that they are special. Take time to appreciate your husband by demonstrating it to him. Tell him with your kind words; show him with your kind acts.

 

Action Step: Love is an action word.

 

The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone, and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him.

 

Perhaps you can prepare a special meal, just for the two of you, and read the letter or poem to him. Ask if you can pray for him—if he is willing, thank God for your love and friendship, asking for His blessing on your home. Encouragement, as you have seen these past thirty days, is a synonym for love in action.

 

A Wife’s Prayer

 

Lord Jesus, You have loved us with Your words as well as with Your deeds. Thank You for making it clear and help me to follow in Your footsteps so that the fullness of my love for my husband is clear. Let me continue to speak words of love and to show deeds of love in the days to come. Thank You for my husband, and thank You for growing me into an encouraging wife.

 

***

 

How has this challenge changed your heart and life, dear friend? Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the results to God? Remember that God is faithful, and He will bless you for your willingness to obey Him. His ways are not our ways, and perhaps He will honor you in ways you do not expect. But one thing is sure—you will never be the same because of your commitment to be more like Christ!

What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge? Would you take a moment to share these victories with us?